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Send Logan or Zubin your pictures, videos, or stories of the coolest senior assassin moments!

A Ransom Note to the Target

 

Day 1: I have Hubert for ransom. I will send a note everyday until you give in or until I die. You know who you are.                                                                                                                                                                                                                      - Unnamed Assassin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 2: This game is getting a little heated for poor ol' Hubert. Only YOU can save him.

                                    - Unnamed Assassin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Logan and Zubin do not condone any of  the aforementioned assassin's actions and are not to be held responsible for any future actions.

Michael Morris is a Traffic Hazard

 

Pictured below is Michael Morris obstructing the one-mile driveway of Tim Myer's South Chesterfield compound before the target called his mom to bring him a water gun and to take a picture of his assassin's  license plate as well as supposedly threatening to call the cops for trespassing.

The Story of a Boy and His Tacos

 

At 5:30 PM EST, I left my house to go assassinate his target, but then ten minutes later called Grant Peters for backup and came up with a plan to use Cinco de Mayo tacos as bait. By 6:10, he had arrived at the target’s house and waited behind the garage door, but alas after 20 minutes he saw his target race into her front door and so he went back to his car, parked down the street, to wait for backup. Half an hour later, Grant shows up and drives right by me. Frantically awaiting a response, the only text I received was “I made oopsie” and “I’m in her house.” Already the plan had gone awry, the next hour is spent with me trying to get to the front porch to wait for the right moment, but right as I do, her dad walks into the front yard, and Stephen barely makes it away unseen. When he checked again, suddenly there were three dads! (Or two neighbors, I wasn’t sure). And then a mom joined in, too! Finally, as dusk settled in, and the sun slowly melted away past the horizon, I, with a water gun hidden in my back pocket, just went straight to the porch and said to her parents “I’m supposed to meet Grant here for tacos, may I go in?” All hope was crushed when the first dad went in to check with the target, and came out with this message. “They already finished their tacos… so you can leave now.” He added, “But if you give me your gun, I’ll let you in.” The opportunity was there, so I went inside the house. I asked, “Grant do you have a water gun?” To which Grant replied by giving me his own target’s water gun! And thus, on Cinco De Mayo, 2014 at 8:00 PM, I shot Alexandra Bailey with her own water gun.

 

- Stephen Dwyer

Crouching Rabbit, Hidden Lion

 

I lay waiting in Mill's Family backyard for "long, tan, and handsome" to come home from the bus. Prone in his grass, I see Barrett pull up, survey his yard, and - BOOM - I've been spotted. Running up to his vehicle, I fire some shots at his car, attempting to clean his dirty windows. After a few glances back, he immediately begins honking his horn to signal to his mommy for help, but to no avail! He backs out and drives away. Just as I was about to leave, he comes back to the scene of the crime. Jumping out of my car, I barely make it back into his garage in time to meet him, still sitting patiently buckled in his baby seat. Yet again he pulls out of his driveway and leaves the scene of the crime. Like a villain, he returns only 10 minutes later and zooms by me, straight into the garage. I stick my foot out in time to stop the garage door from closing and make it in. A bit worried I broke his garage door with my leg of steel, I spent the next ten minutes trying to fix the "one door to rule them all" as Barrett waits for backup to arrive. Just in the nick of time, Barrett's mother comes home with the angelic Ciara riding shotgun; they pull into the driveway and go to inspect what's going on. Barrett follows while the mother-and-daughter tag team duo restrain me with hugs of doom to prevent me from getting too close. There I was, foiled by the love of the Mills family.

 

- Grant Peters

Stephen Davis, The Last Good Man on Earth

 

There's no honor between Jeffersonians. Some kid just knocked on my door and asked if I could help his family move boxes into their new house. Being my cheerful and helpful self, I agreed. Then, just as I walked outside, Christopher Benos popped out and chased after me. I ran all the way to Erica Lashley's house and pounded on her door, but it was too late. RIP me.

 

- Stephen "Man" Davis

Coming Soon!

 

Coming Soon!

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